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Journaling States

When I was journaling a lot,
I looked at one of my old journals that I had written in during a nirvana moment at the ocean, and I was trying to capture the moment for the future me,
and looking back at it, I had to wonder if the person who wrote it was extremely delusional. From my perspective at that time, life had no substance, the air was dead, the mind was dead. The words on that page described a fiction, like a writer or child daydreaming about a better world.

Time passed, and I had another nirvana moment at the beach. And this time I could reflect on the state before when I had been reading about the first moment. And being able to compare the two states of reality from this moment, I knew clearly which was real. The state full of life was more real. It was not a fictional state, a distraction of feeling, but rather, an expanded state, with thoughts and awareness, just, more feelings, more sensations, more understanding, more meaning, an amount of data that cannot be stored in a memory. The memory could capture a feeling, but feelings change each time we reflect on a memory.

I've been able to do this quite a few times now, and I know now that what seems like the "childlike" voice of enthusiasm and inspiration, is not the child, it is often the child married with the wise old one, with the depth of experience of an eternity, it is childlike because it understands freedom and life. It has that level of freedom because it understands what this world is about and what it is and what a miracle the experience is. It would be foolish to do anything except praise the heavens from a state of insight and connectedness like this. When I experience it, it becomes clear, that it is the point of life, it is the reason for life, it is the meaning of life. That you are the meaning of life.