Today deep mistrust for others arises out of me, I despise my many masks, all is threatening. I become aware of hidden judgement, curses from others. Whether a delusion or a reality,
There is a new capacity for care.

At what level of safety was I triggered? A deep, deep level of safety.

And the devil, just as quick to tell me I didn't belong there -
The richness in that depth of safety
As though an archeological finding revealed that the dirt once possessed living gold -
The catacombs of real experience.

Truly there are only two directions.
Truly I am learning the secret of the golden flower without even studying the secret of the golden flower.

And to stand upon contentment -
To be revealed that fulfillment is fulfilling -
The desire is no longer for what cannot be grasped -
The desire is being fulfilled while it is being grasped, there is satisfaction in the drink, the thirst does not go unquenched.

---

Earlier I saw a relationship with an invisible center point:
Trust - Stillness

A song was played yesterday, far too deep for me.
It contained the words,

"Deep is filling into deep"
Or "deep is spilling unto deep"

One of the two.

I need trust to meet me in the middle with stillness.

---

In the center of all things is truly perfection,
and we are at the center of this world.

We are perfection upon perfection,
perfection refining itself infinitely.

The difficulty in trust and stillness,
is external validation that the situation is okay.

This is why we need real faith, and why faith is understanding.
You have to have the understanding that everything is okay and stand upon that understanding.

When you understand that you are the validator,
recognizing and allowing interrupts our habitual patterning,
and whatever we recognize loses its power.

---

I saw white glimmering pearl globes surrounded by golden streams of light..

---

Tonight I sat around a table with a few key people in this city -
I learned some.

One key here,
If you are looking for results with god in prayer -
Instead of asking what you want from him in order to feel better -
The way this man said it was, I think,

"Minister to God"

I think he said,

"Tell him of good things, Tell him of what you are rejoicing in."

And this causes something to happen.

The way I connected it was David's Psalms,

"I bless Your name."
"I bless You God."

I bless the blesser.

I am pouring blessing back into the one who blesses and he is going to spill back into me.

This is to not aim to fix the darknesses of the moment, but to rejoice in the day despite them.